Yes, you could read your Morrison County Record – we’ve been known to do it ourselves here at Fish Wrap – but there’s great fun to be had in imagining new uses for the local newspaper.  Without much adieu, I present ten of those alternative uses.  You can use the Morrison County Record . . .

1.  To potty train your puppy.

2.  To line your bird cage.

3.  To catch pumpkin goo when carving pumpkins.

4.  To wrap up useless meat scraps after skinning and butchering the deer you shot during deer hunting season.

5.  As a drop cloth for painting.

6.  For making impressions in Silly Putty.

7.  As a fire starter (when used in crumpled balls) or as kindling (when the whole paper is rolled tightly).

8.  As a coaster for your drink.

9.  For wrapping dishes and knick-knacks when moving.

10.  As a lap throw for your favorite homeless person.

Pondering underwater uses for soggy newspaper,

Phineas F. A. Pickerel